And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
