News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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