I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
