Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
