I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
