My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
