She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
