An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
