So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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