i think i have two assholes
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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