Who wears a wallet chain?!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
