bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
