we're chasing vodka with high fives
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
