i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
