It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
