You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
