God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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