Just cropdusted the office
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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