You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
