I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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