i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
