He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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