Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
