So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
