I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
