hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
