I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
