Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
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