I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
