I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
