3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
