I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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