Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Randomize
