I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
