I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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