I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
