adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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