Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
