I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
