How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
