Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
