So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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