I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
