I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
