woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
