Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
