During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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