Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize