It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
