I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
