I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
