Me. At least after what I've been through.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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