Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
