The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I love you.
Bad choice
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