i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize