It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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