'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
