): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize