i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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