somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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