i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
