the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
