I got chris browned last night
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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