What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize