Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize