I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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