what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
This baby is an asshole
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
