I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
