Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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