Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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