Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize